Even as I tried to write about you today, I couldn't Because how can I? writing is cathartic for me, and ever since you've been gone I have shied away from my writing pad knowing fully well what follows. The unsung tears, the drowning helplessness, the wallowing shivers To write about you would mean to face my deepest fears, my bitterest shortcomings The things I'm rather fond of putting away, like the clothes in the back of my closet Ah! No one to tell me when to fix my wardrobe because this is something only you could make me do they ask me how am I doing, and with the utmost sanity I can gather, I sabotage my thoughts with jokes because I hate sympathy. And not that anyone Can say anything that will make you come back to us. But you were like sunshine, warm and mellow, significant and unnoticed Essential for my survival, and much like any plant; Oh I double water the plants you left behind as homage to your presence, You nurtured me and made me into the person I am today. But I could never say this you while you were still here mom, Still cannot, and that's the irony of this ink You know I cannot express openly, you know how to look Beyond my sarcasm and jokes. You made my flaws tangible because You weren't afraid to admit that you were broken too. You were infinite- In patience, in your wisdom, in your words and in your thoughts I knew you were different mom. You understood my anger. And while everyone is trying to compensate for your vacant space The kitchen still yearns to dance to your rhythm. The drawing room misses its evening tea accompanied by gossip and my college rants In a desperate bid to prolong your retreating presence, I put on your favorite perfume, and wear your lipstick Hoping that the day I have to drape a saree, you'll be there. No you're not perfect, but you never backed down I cannot quantify your significance in my life It is amplified every day, every hour, every moment In everything you do and don't, in your absence and presence And in the dingy corners of my heart that have hated and loved you.